It's time....

I have been pondering the idea for some time now whether or not to turn off our blog. For heavens sakes, it's been almost two years since my last post!!!! Some of the things that I actually thought about posting might be too personal or even confrontational....wasn't sure if that was a smart idea. But as of late I have been thinking that it "is time."  

Yes, our life has changed a lot in the last couple of years. The girls are growing up and some of the cute/funny stories that we once had aren't as frequent (though Mya keeps us giving us good material). But that is just it!  Though we may not have as many cute/funny stories...we have life stories/situations that I feel the need to document somehow. Not to mention I have missed most of Mya's "good stuff!"  I may have to retell some of the things that she has done because I don't ever want to forget them.

So with the end of a somewhat rough year I am thinking it would be good to start off the new year "anew!"  But first I may have to give a brief (if that is possible from this girl 😁) recap of the last two years. Geesh, can I even remember back that far to some of the details.....whole point in starting this "thing" again.  I am getting old and forgetful!!!  The fact that I rarely get my camera out anymore breaks my heart. I'm not even documenting our life in the way that I love! 

But as I sit here wanting to recap...Miss Mya just woke up and won't stop talking which means I can't concentrate enough to write. So this will have to be the first entry in the line of many more (hopefully) Recap to come soon. I can't wait!

ummmm....yeah, i just noticed that it was thanksgiving that i last posted....sad, sad, sad!  but today i won't dwell on that.  i am rejoicing!  it is only 7:20 and my time this morning has been so full (spirit filled!)  quiet time, communion and a little run....even through in a shower!

it was wonderful running this morning watching the sunrise!  it made me think of something a friend of mine said this week.  we had been talking about our recent trip to maui and how the sunshine was just so wonderful (how good it was for our bodies...our mood).  we then talked about how winter time is hard here because you just aren't able to get out as much. she proceeded to tell me how she needed the sun.  as the words came from her mouth i felt the holy spirit smack me in the face...."did you just hear what she said?"  she needs the sun....we need the "son!" we NEED the Son, not just an occasional dose, but an everyday, every minute, every second dose of the Son!  He nourishes our mind, body and spirit.  His love in unconditional, He never leaves us or forsakes us, He holds us in His right hand.....i want that, i need that!

today watching the sunrise, i celebrate the "Son" who is risen, to shine his light so that all may see....His presence, His love, His beauty....His gift!  wow, i am truly blessed to be able to experience that love on a daily basis, all because God loved me so much that He sent his one and only son so that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have life everlasting.  praise God!  thank you for the cross...thank you for your resurrection!  celebrating "life" everlasting today ;-)...an empty tomb!

ThANks!

thanksgiving |ˌTHaNGks'giviNG|

noun

1 the expression of gratitude, esp. to God.....AMEN!

today millions of people will gather around tables full of food...with family and friends and give thanks.  for that alone i am thankful for!  our busy lives take us away from sitting down and breaking bread together!  such a simple thing, yet so hard for people to do.....we take it for granted! this all kind of hit me last night as i enjoyed a pre-thanksgiving meal (of pizza and beer) with my dads side of family.  i thought it was pretty great!  i know everyone was pretty tired from pre-thanksgiving baking and just work in general, but i was grateful that we could all sit down and just hang out.  doesn't happen very often, so i savored every minute.  so that starts my thankful list!

all of my thanks does not just go out into the air, it goes to God above.  i give him all thanks and praise for all that i have and don't have!  he created me and knows me inside and out and loves me the same!  how he could do that just blows me away most days!  he has blessed me beyond words.  i have a husband who loves me, stands by me, encourages me, works for me and with me...who is my best friend.  we have three gorgeous little girls who bring me great joy, who make me laugh and cry, who bring me to me knees (more often than not), who teach me of God's love and mercy.  i have family and friends all around who i adore, a job, a house, a car.....a coffee pot!  so many things i take for granted on a daily basis and for that i am sorry!  God has blessed me abundantly and my relationship with him is one i don't take lightly, and i will live a lifetime here trying not to take it for granted.  because if i don't take him for granted how can i take any of these other things for granted....they are all from him!  everything i have, everything i am is from HIM!  He has me right where He wants me.  that is exactly where i want to be.  so very thankful on this day and everyday.  i hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed thanksgiving day....don't eat too much ;-)

mom foul!

i had a post all ready to go...well, not quite (i have actually been working on it for the last few days, just never could get it wrapped up).  but after tonight i thought i would start with something a little more "in the moment."

i want to preface this post with so much "stuff" that has happened in our world since my last...forever ago post, but there is just too much for my little brain to wrap around and my fingers to type out.  needless to say we are busy and it is monday.  i don't think i have had a chance to mention that fact that i despise monday's....in fact, as a family we all do.  mondays are non stop, go, go, go all day long until it is time to go to bed.  oh, and have i mentioned that it is still "fall" which means i am extra busy ;-)  i am not saying this to complain, really i am not!  just stating the facts.  anyway, it's monday....kids off to school, mom/parenting seminar, house being painted, photo cards to make, photos to edit, lunch to make, phone calls to make, etc.......pick up one kiddo (one is carpooling to gymnastics), drop off at tutoring, run to the store (quickly), go to pick up kiddo from gymnastics.........running late!

so i run in to get alaina, go to grab her things and see this big bag filled with stuff.  i proceed to ask what it all is.  she looks up at me and says, "you didn't come to my thanksgiving feast"!!!!!!!!!! uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......................

heart sinks, dead pan stare, tears fill the eyes....this is me!  i forgot all about her first grade thanksgiving feast.  this first grade thanksgiving production is a big deal!  for them this was there BIG production for the year (like Kylee has had in the past) and i missed it!  i couldn't believe it.  we barely get out the door of the gym and i lost it!  i cried so much i think i made the poor kid feel worse!  i couldn't stop. i cried the whole way home, when we got home and then some more.  honestly i want to cry now as i write this.  it just makes me so sad.  now i know that she wasn't the only one whose parents weren't there, but me being so stinking visual....i can just see her in my head now.  i can see the sad face, her quietness, sharing her meal with someone else's family....ugh!  i know i would have been devastated.  but, and there is a big BUT, something that i will take away from this experience...several things actually, but the big one was her grace!  when we got home and i was STILL crying i held on to her and apologized again....she started crying telling me that she forgave me. she so freely and easily forgave me.  the whole thing just gave me a visual picture (and it helped that i was literally on my knees holding on to her....wanting to be more on her level) of how God is with us.  we come to him, genuinely sorry, crying to Him.  He wraps His arms around us, cries with us and tells us He forgives us.....then, just as Lainey did, shows us what we missed!  that's right, miss alaina put on her own little performance of what they did today because she didn't want me to miss it!  thank you lainey for your beautiful performance....even with little sis in tow!  your voice was lovely, but your heart is what shined.  thank you for sweet spirit and for forgiving me when i mess up!  love it when we can learn from our kids.

but now it is time for bed...i cried too much and i am really tired now!!  hope to post more frequently....really i do! ;-)

2 samuel

i may have mentioned it before that i am very blessed. i have a wonderful husband, three beautiful girls, great family and friends, a good job, a awesome house......i could go on and on. but one of the blessings in my life that i forget to mention is my bible study.

 i have done my share of "beth moore" or different "book" based studies...which were all great, but i knew i needed and wanted more. i wanted to dig in to God's word without directions from a book...yet i didn't know how to do this. of course i had read my bible (not cover to cover), but it didn't always make sense. it was always great reading, but it wasn't necessarily personal. i know that i tried to find things that related to me or some situation i was in, but was i truly reading to learn more about God....or was i just reading? don't get me wrong, i don't judge why or how someone reads their bible...if it is being cracked open, that is awesome!!! i just knew i wanted more.

 in psalm 109:105 it says that "your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." well, i needed that light and i wanted to find it directly at the source. i wanted to let Him speak to me. but i just couldn't figure out how to do it on my own. i needed a little direction, but didn't want it from another book....i wanted it from an actual person.

well, that lucky person became my mother in law!! she was willing to dive in head first with me, along with one of my dearest friends. this was over two years ago (hard to believe)! this past year another dear friend was able to join us. i can say nothing but wonderful things about our little group and about all we have learned. we have dove in, letting the words sink down deep and letting the Holy Spirit rise up and work in each one of us! definitely a God thing!!

anyway, i could go on and on, but that was not entire reason for this post. it just made me think of them because as i was sitting down studying the other day, God really spoke to my heart. when God reveals something to me, i want to share it (i am like a teenager....who can i tell first). so as i am sitting there, getting all excited...thinking, "i can't wait to share this at bible study" when i look down and see that it was from a totally different book than what we are studying in our group. as a group we have been studying Genesis, but on my own i have been studying 2 Samuel. well, 2 samuel is where i found something really cool. i thought to myself, "darn it, i can't share it now, it has nothing to do with what we are studying." but then i got to thinking again (i do a lot of that), why not? why not share it with them, but why not share it with anyone willing to hear? so here it is........(i couldn't find my NLV version online to cut and paste...so i just snapped a pick of my own bible)...........

....this is what was revealed to me......
*He has chosen me!
*He is with me!
*He will destroy my enemies!
*His name will be made great through me (i may question this one a little ;-))
*He has/will provide for me!
*He keeps me safe!
...because,
*of Jesus the Messiah
*He has made His Kingdom strong
*He has built a temple (in each of us)
*He has established the throne of His Kingdom in Heaven...forever!!!

::6::

happy birthday to you, sweet alaina jean! six years ago you came into this world....and still you are one of the greatest joys of my life (always will be!) ;-) even then you didn't have any teeth...ha, ha!!

oh my sweet, sweet girl we love you so much and are so excited to celebrate your birthday with you. to be six years old is a big task....but you have already done so many things. you are reading, you are missing teeth, you are swimming in the deep end of the pool...what else.....i know there is a lot more, but we can talk about it later. i am so very proud of you lainey. you are our sweet and gentle, blue eyed, blonde haired girl with all the frills ;-) you have your own sense of style that is full of glitz and glam. we also love that we get to celebrate it with you in hawaii! breakfast in bed with the ocean right outside your window....pretty darn awesome! you may not understand the greatness of that, but we will be sure to remind you. you are a blessed little girl and we are even more blessed because you are our daughter! we love you so much! happy birthday ;-)

they are calling me

yes, the waves...the warm breeze...the soft sand....yes, i hear you calling me. don't worry, i have heard you and i am so happy to say i will be there tomorrow! i am anxious and excited, yet dreading tomorrows travels. so all you prayer peeps...keep us in your prayers. especially little miss mya...it's going to be a VERY LONG day...to say the least. i think we have everything we need ;-) now i just need to crawl into bed for a few hours of sleep before our adventure begins. but before i go i remembered a little conversation the other day that needed to be shared (more for my benefit....so i will remember one day).

i am sure you all remember the year in elementary school when you learned to play the awesome "recorder." i remember thinking to myself, "i am going to learn to play and instrument...and play it well." i remember being so pumped about it, thinking it was so cool...especially the fact that i got my very own instrument. well, i think the euphoria wore off the very first day i tried playing it on my own. it didn't sound so good. needless to say, it was never used again, it just collected dust in my closet.



anyway, the time has come for kylee. she came home so excited, telling me all about the "flute" she was going to learn to play...and that she would get her own. even better than that, she could pick what color it was. all i had to do was write a check. hmmmmmmmm. i quietly laughed, looked at the order form and saw the color choices...blue, green or pink. guess what color kylee wanted? "blue" of course! i read on, seeing that the recorder did not NEED to be purchased, that they would also be available at school for them to use. the thoughts running through my head (get ready it's a run-on).... "we do not need to buy this because she will never play it again, yet we have two more right behind her, but "blue?" the other two are NOT going to want blue, they will want pink....but i remember how excited i was getting my own, maybe we should....hmmmm." okay fine, we agreed to get her one and the blue one at that. we also informed her that it would not always be hers....she would have to pass it down to Alaina and Mya when it was there turn.

"but mom, they can get there own. i am still going to be playing it!"

do you hear me still laughing? this went on and on, until i stopped arguing and let die. so, the other day out of the blue kylee proceeds to tell me that when the other two are done using the recorder, she wants it back. i then proceed to laugh out loud and say, but stop myself, thinking this is too good to be true....the perfect high school graduation present. guess what she is going to get at her graduation party.....you got it, a used (but not too used i can assure you), BLUE recorder....with a big bow ;-) i love it....can't wait to give it back to her!! hopefully i will remember....the likelihood of that happening is slim to none...darn it!!

:9:

you are nine today sweet girl! happy birthday to you ;-) every year i say this, "i can't believe it," but i really can't. you are growing up so fast and i am afraid if i blink you will be off to college! so i will take this day and savior it. so today and for another 365 days you will be nine ;-)

we are so proud of you! this year has brought about even more changes, and with each change i see you growing into the young lady God IS creating you to be. it's pretty awesome. you are smart, genuine, caring and good...and you love to pick on your little sisters. you still love to draw and create, make friendship bracelets (expect for when you mess up...you are just a little bit of a perfectionist....i have no idea where you got that...ha!) and watch movies.

you are a ball full of energy and we love you so much! can't wait to bring you lunch and birthday treats to school. love you, love you, love you!!!!

"nooooooo"

it has finally happened! honestly i cannot believe that it has taken this long. miss mya now says "no." at this very moment it is the cutest "no" ever (just picture my foot is in my mouth as i write this). i know that it will not be very cute in a few days. but right now i can't help but giggle quietly with my hand over my mouth so she can't see.

sitting at dinner tonight, kylee was asking her questions when out of the blue she said, "noooooo" (the "o" emphasized) in the sweetest voice. it caught me off guard, i couldn't help but laugh. you know what happened after that???? we kept asking her questions that she would say "no" to. yes, i know that was really dumb, but we couldn't resist. maybe i will repost in a few days and let everyone know if it is still cute ;-)

it's time to write

look closely at the computer.....





new years resolutions completely down the drain already....awesome! have i blogged, no! have i stopped biting my cuticles....yes, until a week a go (they are not too far gone...yet). arghhhh. honestly though, the past month or so has been just fine, and i am sure i have had plenty to blog about, but i just haven't taken the time to sit down and do it. mainly because when i sit down to blog, i need to SIT DOWN (and focus)...and at the end of the day when i do sit down, i am unable to focus. my brain is mush and i can't seem to remember anything from the day, except that i am tired. maybe i just have adult onset of ADD?? if i don't have a list forget it, and when i do have a list i will end up losing it, or can't remember what i want to put on it....blah, blah, blah! it's an endless cycle...geesh! so how about the weather? hmmmm, actually the weather has been so amazing i barely have words...can you imagine that?

i have looked back at past blogs and see that most of the posts were funny stories of the girls. but now things just seem much more serious and not as funny. sure we have LOADS of funny things happen, but why is it when i want to blog about them, i can't remember...only the serious stuff? or the funny stuff would embarrass my kids so bad that i just can't put it out there for all to hear about....like what mya does when she is in a grocery cart. i can't go into detail because it would scar her for life as it has for me ;-) so i guess i will just start with kid updates and go from there.....

we are on the back stretch of school and everyone seems to be doing well....actually really well. kylee is doing great right now in school. between tutoring (kristen you are awesome), meds and a few things done differently at school (sitting alone for tests) things are really clicking. she is actually enjoying math and we are thrilled! homework time isn't nearly as stressful as it has been...in fact, she even gets it done in the first 15 min of being home. she is even reading more (mainly because she is having trouble falling asleep) and actually enjoying it. so much in fact that is one of the things she wants for her birthday....books! she is just growing up so fast.....they all are.

alaina seems to be doing very well in school. she came home yesterday with a little paper book from school and when i asked her to read it to me she said it wasn't a reading book it was a math booklet. yeah, story problems...in kindergarten! but she knew them. incredible how fast kids pick up stuff....especially tone of voice and attitude! until recently she has been the sweet kid, never talked back or had any "tone" in her voice. but the tide is starting to come in. i honestly think that part of it is a little attention seeking...or just pure frustration. because she is the "middle" she often gets overlooked. i absolutely hate this, but it is a reality. i am just glad we are aware and willing to do something about it. from being a demanding baby, she has become such a independent kid. she makes me laugh everyday! in fact, today while the "little mermaid" (she still loves her princess love stories) was starting she proceeds to tell me, "this is so not real, but the mermaids are!" me: "i am confused." lainey: "mom, mermaids are real you know." me: "oh...okay then." what a cute little goof!

my baby is finally calling me by name...."mama, mama"......all the time! i love it! she is almost 19 mo (almost 20)...and demanding as ever!!! she is all that and a bag of chips. fortunately she is just as cute as cute can be. this morning while i was vacuuming, God gently nudged me to go and check on mya...so i did. i walked into my office (this has become one of her favorite spots) and saw her sitting on top of my desk! this evening alan called me into the office and pointed to my disc drive...asking if it was okay that my compact flash card was sticking out of it. i wish i had a picture of it (and can't believe i didn't see it earlier...i think i was just a little more concerned with her being on top of the desk). she had jammed my compact flash card into the drive....GREAT! i swear i was just around the corner vacuuming for a minute. i am laughing out loud right now because as i look at the picture i took of her on my phone when she was up on the desk....there it is (the flash card), sticking out of the side of my computer. they are so darn quick!

2012

i want to start the year off right with a blog post.....since i wasn't able to finish it with one (i know....slacker). now let's see if i can do this before midnight....ha!

i want to start by saying what a great year 2011! i am truly blessed. let's start with the obvious....a wonderful husband, three amazing girls, great family and friends..a really awesome bible study (love ya girls), of course i could go on and on! these last few months have been exceptionally great (should have blogged about it, huh?) spiritually i am in a place where i haven't been in a very long time, if i can even say that i have been where i am at...did that make sense? i will just say that my daily time in the Word and in prayer has been my most precious time of the day. i have experienced God's peace and joy and presence in such a way that i am overjoyed and busting at the seems excited. His word is alive and alive in me....i am hoping and praying that i can be a reflection of all that i am learning and experiencing.

new years resolutions? be more selfless, loving, kind, PATIENT ;-), love on my kids more, complain less, blog more....and stop biting my cuticles (it's disgusting and it hurts)!!!

so today we start a new year....

kylee has started taking medication to help her sweet brain keep it's focus. since upping the dose a little it has calmed her down a little (though you can tell immediately when it wears off.....she is kind of like a balloon being deflated...the words just come from her mouth 90 miles an hour and she can't sit still) and she seems to be finishing tasks effectively. honestly though, it is hard to tell right now since we are on Christmas break. we have no routine going...and no homework to finish. i will be anxious to see what school will look like in the next few weeks. it was a tough decision for alan and i to go ahead with the medication route. but if it would help her, why wouldn't we try it. she is a sweet girl with a big heart and a wonderful brain....it just works differently...yet, like many others! i just keep praying God will give us wisdom in all of this. it is so easy to get caught up in the challenges that are brought our way....focusing on the negative instead of the positive. i am choosing to switch my focus....i am going to look at our beautiful children with God's eyes (He gave them to me, He lives in me, why shouldn't i use them). He created them, He knows them and everything He makes is wonderfully made! He makes beautiful things...just like that song by gungor (LOVE that song). each one is unique, different strengths, different weaknesses...different spirits, but each one is so wonderful, so beautiful.

i can feel bad for my girls knowing that they have two parents who were oldest children and are very much perfectionist and big KIA's, but i have to stop myself and remember that God gave me (us) all three of three of them. though i don't feel like i will be able to do a good job as their mom, God knows that i can because He is with me. i am willing to be molded into the mother he wants me to be. i need to take a deep breath....and trust.

our sweet little alaina jean, probably feeling a little lost in the middle right now. so much focus has been on the oldest and youngest these past few months...or has it been more like a year...hmmm?? she is our more bendable child...probably because she has too. half way through kindergarten and she is doing so well. i think she is reading like a champ and writing so well. i am very proud of her. she is still likes things that sparkle and loves to mass produce books! not kidding....she will go through an entire ream of paper in two days. we have a lot of teaching ahead of us about conservation!!!!

miss mya actually has a few more hairs on her head....maybe when she is three we can put in piggy tails ;-) sweet thing has everyone wrapped around her finger....probably one of the reasons she is not talking a whole lot. though after her 18 month check up....in which she didn't pass her hearing screen (i am pretty darn sure she has no problem with her hearing) she has actually started saying more things....or at least trying to. so far she says "yesssh (far better than "no"), dada, momma, peaase (please), baby, yanks (thanks), jo jo (our elf on a shelf), ky ky (kylee), ka cker (cracker), papa. She is really trying to say more, it's just a little challenging figuring out how to put all those sounds together. like when she tries to say Bible, it comes out as "bluhhh." it's pretty funny. she really is a smart little thing. she knows what she wants and how to tell you in her own way. one day when she was playing with ohie, it was time to pick up the toys and she didn't want to. when ohie said that they needed to put the toys in the bag mya went over to ohie and pushed her (ohie) with her hand, like, "you go do it." she tried that on me a few days later and i don't think she got the reaction she had wanted ;-) most may give in, but not this mom.....of course i do have to laugh first! i start early in teaching them to help out. we make a mess, we clean it up. unfortunately it hasn't always worked as well as i hoped....at least it has not been initiated independently (with the older kids i mean).

okay, i think i need to stop now. this post has made it very clear to me that i need to post more frequently so that it is not a book every time, but instead of a chapter...or bleep. happy new year to all!!
(side note: i started this post on the 1st and i did not finish this post before midnight....it took two days to finish....sad, very sad!)

this one cracks me up....let's pick on the little one! so fun ;-)





i feel as though i have been in constant prayer the past few months (yesterdays sermon was quite fitting). one of the things i have been persistently praying for (and i will until the day i die) is the girls relationship with the Lord. every morning i can, i have been getting up before everyone else so i can have my one on one time with God. some mornings are easier than others, but when i am up i get excited. i love that time. i love God's word. i love that he meets me where i am at and he speaks to me! all of that joy and excitement have really been stirring in me...which brings me back to the girls. i want to badly for them to one day really realize how great and amazing God is. i want them to experience what i experience every time i sit down and read my bible or pray. he is peace, he is love, he is everything great. it is so true, that when you believe you want to share with others God's good news. i have been a believer for a long time, but right now he is so alive in my life. i want to badly to share that with the girls. something i have really realized is that i am not very good at sharing it with my words...i wish that i was, so i need to share it with my actions. i already know that my actions speak louder than my words most of the time. i look at mya....she is 17mo old and not talking (well, she says "hi" and "dadda"...everything else is "da"), but she knows what is going on. she is watching. she is a little mimic who does everything i do. she cleans, pretends to floss (and use mouthwash), she stretches before we run (even though she is in the stroller...not actually the one running), she paints, she scrubs the toilets. she see's what i am doing. she's not the only one. some of the things that come out of kylee's and alaina's mouth i am like, "whoa, they sound just like me...yikes!" if that doesn't make me stop and reevaluate my actions than i don't know what else would.

not to use this as an excuse, but i am human and i am not very good at slowing down my tongue, or controlling the looks on my face, or my selfish attitude. i want our girls to see God's love in me. i want to be more humble, gentle and patient. i want them to know how much i love God, how much i trust him, how much i want to obey him.....how amazingly good He is, how much he loves them, how much he wants to be the center of their world. i could go on and on...because God's love is endless....it is so wide and long and high and deep, that we will never fully understand, but....we can experience it. an man do i want them to. i want that with every fiber in my being. so each morning....i just pray ;-)

okay....status update (since it has been forever since i have blogged)....

kylee: growing up! as i walked to her classroom for her halloween party i became overwhelmed with the fact that we have a third grader. i remember third grade so well. it just feels like she is climbing up that hill getting closer to puberty (which freaks me out a little....not going to worry, just pray ;-)), she's not a baby anymore. things are just changing...the way she talks and acts, friendships. one thing is for sure, she is still a big tender heart! we are still working on school challenges, but we will get there. she is a smart kid, we just have to keep it focused in the right direction ;-)

alaina: she's not a baby either :-( she seems to enjoy school, but i think she likes coming home in the middle of the day. she is already starting to read...which is so fun to see. i wish i would have blogged earlier because she has said some of the darnedest things lately. i love how funny she is without trying to be funny. the other night we were driving home at night and she asked why the high school wasn't asleep (because there were still lights on). it was much funnier in person!

mya: oh boy! where to start? she is such a funny little thing. like i said earlier, not talking....still only has a few teeth, but man does she have personality. she is still attached to mommy. if anyone even looks like they are going to come near me, she starts running....like, "you can't have her, she's mine! i love her dearly, but she really is a little stinker!! there are so many things i want to write about her, but of course as i sit down to write this...i forget them all...darn it!

i have so much to be thankful for. i wanted to participate in the facebook "thankful for thirty days" or whatever it's called, but i knew i would be a big slacker.....so, i will just sum it up here! i am first and foremost thankful for my God. so very thankful that he loves me, that he is here with me always, takes care of me, provides for me, listens to me, holds me, knows me (and still loves me).....and i don't deserve it, not one bit, but boy am i thankful. i am thankful for His word and how it comes alive. i am thankful for the fire that is burning inside of me, for the desire He gives me to seek him everyday and in all things! i am so thankful for my husband who loves me no matter what, who provides for our family, who helps me with projects around the house (even though i know he doesn't want to do them), for our kids who bring so much life and laughter and joy (and tears and frustration....we love you, we love you....one day you will understand) to our lives. you girls make life so much more colorful! though i do love black and white, i have learned that color is better ;-) i am so, so thankful for our families...what would we do without you?! for my friends, near and far...i am so thankful for what you bring to my life. for the roof over our heads and the food on the table...and the clothes on our backs i am grateful. so many things....maybe i should have participated on facebook? here in a few hours i may be thankful for starbucks ;-) i hope everyone out there has a wonderful thanksgiving filled with the Lord's many blessings!

we did it!

ten years ago.....TEN years ago i married my best friend and long time love! some may say that it is a miracle that we have made it this long....heck, some would ask, how the heck did you even get started? i laugh as i write that because it would be honest to ask that. we started dating sixteen years ago...and dating was not our strong suit, but marriage has been pretty darn good (if i do say so myself). of course we have our ups and downs, but we love each other and are committed 100%. i cannot imagine my life without this man who stands by my side everyday. he is my other half...to quote jerry maguire "you complete me."

i LOVE that we have such an extended history together. it is so fun to reminisce and to see where we have come. several jobs, a couple moves and three kids later here we are!

alan, i know you don't read this, but i will say it anyway....i love you...i am so blessed to share my life with you....to be your wife...the mother of your children...to be your friend. thank you for standing by my side...for loving me through thick and thin, for being a loving father....for being YOU! happy anniversary sweet heart....we did it! (happy dance!!) xoxoxo

humble

the other night as i crawled into bed with a heavy, yet hopeful heart. i turned on my kindle and opened up to the first chapter in ephesians. i was going to just read it, but as i started, i could feel the power of the words...so i prayed it. i prayed through the whole chapter. wow! His words are so powerful, so personal and so endearing....why am i so amazed? it washed over me and soothed my heart. why don't i read His word every moment of every day? i need it...i want it...i love it, i truly do! i know how much he loves me, yet i can't comprehend it...does that make sense? it just blows me away that He has blessed me with EVERY spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm, He chose me...to be holy and without fault (in His eyes of course), He purchased my freedom, my sins are forgiven, He has given me an eternal glorious inheritance. i just hate it, that all of this and more is not on the forefront of my mind from the moment i awake in the morning, til my head is resting on my pillow at night. arghhhhh! i am so excited to read and study this book with three very special women. what else can i say....... .

zoo with my babe

i wish it didn't take me so long to write this post.....but a week later is better than never. last tuesday was a gorgeous "fall" day. the sun was shining the, a cool breeze blowing....and just me and my babe at the zoo.....before the gates even opened. alan just happened to suggest that i take mya to the zoo after dropping the girls off at school. i pondered it for a minute, then said ABSOLUTELY! man am i glad i did. tuesday reminded me of a morning six and half years ago...the days were almost identical....beautiful fall day we took kylee to the zoo for the first time (she was 18 months old). it seemed as if we were the only ones there (out in africa that is)....well, we pretty much were. this day proved to be the same. it was just mya, i and all the animals. it was great! she was loving it. she could have stayed and watched the lions all day long! i was so disappointed that we couldn't stay longer. it was definitely a short visit to the zoo (i had to go and pick up alaina from school, which meant we only had an hour and a half to roam around), but well worth it. i can't wait to go back...maybe next time we can stay a little longer.

i am learning that our sweet little one just needs a bit of fresh air to be content through the day. if we get our morning walk in she is a much happier kid. this does concern me...what the heck am i going to do this winter? she is going to be a BEAR...oh my!

*sigh*

Completely 100% accurate!!!!!!!!!


poor thing did have roseola for the second time in three months....it was BAD!



the sky is blue, the air is cool...there is a soft gentle breeze blowing through the house....i should be out there enjoying it, taking part in this glorious day. but instead i am sitting here writing, taking in all the silence i can before it comes to a complete halt! it seems as though our house has been turned upside down as of late and i feel the need to vent and pull out a little hair. the days seem to start fairly well (especially the days when i can get a walk in after dropping the girls off at school), but seem to spiral out of control at 3:50. i haven't written these past few weeks because honestly, i haven't had anything nice to say. this may sound harsh, but it's true. but now i feel the need to share this so one day i (and the girls) can look back on this and laugh....because i am definitely not laughing now.

in our house "pit" time starts the moment kylee gets home from school. the homework starts, then the attitude, then the eye rolling, then the frustration, then mya starts crying (and won't stop unless i hold her...but that is really hard to do while helping with homework and getting dinner started), then kylee starts crying...it goes on and on until dinner. then we are okay for a short time, that is unless mya is in one of her moods (which is typically every day)...then there is more whining and crying, then it's bath time with more whining and crying at some point...then mya goes to bed and it is a lot quieter....then the girls go to bed and it is even quieter. then i want to fall on the couch, but occasionally i will get a second wind, but by then i am completely unmotivated. There.....blah.

in regards to homework last week i wanted to try something different because i couldn't handle another argument. the deal was...kylee would come home, read for twenty minutes (unwind) then play until dinner. as soon as dinner was over we would start her homework. it seemed to go well the first night, but the next day she didn't want to do it that way. she wanted to get it over with. i completely understood where she was coming from, but the way it was going it was taking us so long that she couldn't possibly get it over with....it would just drag on forever! thankfully this week we get a little break because it is a short week and they are doing MAP testing the three days they are there. however i am sure there won't be a break from mya's fussiness. i love that sweet girl, love her dearly...and love the fact that she really loves and wants her momma, but there comes a time when they need to be able to be somewhat content with themselves. of course i don't mean leaving her alone, but being able to sit on the floor and play with her toys while i am in the kitchen cooking (which is only 12 feet away...and in open space) shouldn't be too much to ask. she would rather crab my legs and bury her face and cry until i pick her up. i think one of our biggest barriers right now is that she is not talking...not even trying to. she seems to have forgotten the sign language she once knew. needless to say we are not communicating very well and it is proving to be a struggle. she is super strong willed which isn't helping....it may help her down the road, but not really working with momma right now....or daddy for that matter. heck...not even with her sisters. she can actually be downright mean to them.

where is alaina in all of this.....well, quietly playing. i feel bad for her because the majority of my focus is on the other two. she really is the cream filling in the oreo...she helps hold the cookies together. lou, one day you will read this....i want you to know that you are not at all forgotten about, we love you very much!

i love all my girls. i have said it a hundred times...i just hate this tension....the fights, the struggle. we NEED a little peace in this house...even if only for a day. i need to be patient...slow to anger....and slow to speak....quick to love...and definitely more prayerful (and if i still need to, i can go in the bathroom and bang my head against a wall). ;-) that's all!

back to school

we've done it! the first week of school has begun for everyone now. we officially have a kindergartner and third grader. i am minus two at home now....for a little while anyway. kylee's first day was great! which makes me smile and my heart happy. lainey had her first day this morning. it is so hard to tell whether everything went okay...she is so quite and doesn't like to talk about how she is feeling (a stuffer). i pried as much as i could, and it seems that she had an okay time. nothing very climactic. guess, i will have to keep asking.

i have such fond memories of elementary school. sitting in front of the school waiting each day for the girls to come out...i sit and reminisce of those days long ago ;-) some days i wish i could do it all over again....just without the mullet and little better fashion sense (okay, just not in the eighties). my two favorite years were the 3rd and 4th grade. it helped that i had really great teachers those two years (i will never forget them). i remember racing through multiplication times test to win the best prize, falling in love with the box car children and lots of little crushes. third grade was the year that the boys separated from the girls and vice versa. that is when cooties and crushes began. i am assuming that things haven't changed that much...i am only 22...right? yeah right! with that being said...about the separation of boys and girls...i hope and pray that that won't bring any added challenges to kylee's year. kylee is our little tomboy...nothing frilly or pink!!! she likes to hang out with the boys and play star wars...yet she loves to hang out with her girlfriends too. speaking from personal experience, it's easier to hang out with the boys, there is no competition and they are no nonsense! of course i liked hanging out with them because i was the one who always had the crushes. oh, how proud i am of myself ;-) anyway, kylee came to me one night this summer and said, "i know God made me a girl, and i like to play star wars with the boys and that's okay, but they don't want to play with me...and i don't want to play what the girls are playing." ohhhhhh, lump in throat! immediately i want to try to talk it out and fix it...i don't want my baby being stuck in the middle and getting left out. that breaks my heart....but....what if that is where God wants her. what if that is where he can use her? okay, that literally just dawned on my now (not this summer when we were actually having this conversation). i need to step back and rejoice in the child God created (that He created in each one of the girls), not try and change them, but help mold them, encourage them, LOVE them. it is sometimes so much easier to right these thoughts than to actually put them into practice. Lord help me! i need wisdom that is for sure and a better attitude. she will be fine...and i know she will shine (ooh i made a rhyme).

as for miss mya she has reminded my of my place in life right now....that is on the floor. as long as i am on the floor life is pretty good. if i dare get up, the world comes crashing down. what am i to do? she is getting so big. climbing up the stairs, not listening to a word i say, finding wonderful treasures in the trash can, locking herself in rooms (because she likes to close doors), growing out of all her clothes, NOT speaking a word...though she does lip sing....literally! when music is one, the lips are smacking, but nothing is coming out. we have a little milli vanilli! maybe i should play "blame it on the rain" for her and see what she does....ha!! she is too cute. things in her little world are becoming funnier and more adventuresome. i am glad i have her here at home with me while the big ones are off at school...she can keep me grounded a little longer ;-)

i am such a lucky girl. married to my best friend and the mom to three awesome little girls....excuse me, two big girls and a baby! what more could a girl want! homework....yeah!!!

hard

yesterday was one of those yuck days. it started off fine. the kids were excited because they were going to find out who there teacher was...and of course, who was in there class. after a visit and several text, the kids found out who they had...no real need to even go up to the school. but we still wanted to see who was in who's class. i wasn't worried about alaina because we had already found out that two little friends were in her class (yeah!), but we hadn't heard about kylee. needless to say, we got there, we saw it, we were sad. none of her girlfriends from last year were in her class...the only other girl from her class last year is someone who doesn't mesh well at all with kylee. the look of disappointment on her face...which then turned to anger and a little anxiousness just made me sick. i felt horrible! she wouldn't let me touch her or talk to her, she just wanted to leave. the first thing i did when we got to the car was pray! i prayed that God would give her peace and comfort...and strength to stand strong....to embrace the situation. we left the school and as we were pulling away she asks me if i can call and have her moved to another class. i took a deep breath and swallowed the big lump in my throat and told her that i could not do that. as much as i wanted to say "yes honey, i will call when we get home" i couldn't. i know that there are parents out there who would be on the phone immediately, but i am not that parent when it comes to this. everyday we come across people who are rude, bossy and inconsiderate. how do we learn how to deal difficult people/situations if we are completely removed from them? alan and i both want her to learn how handle situations such as these...stand up for herself, be an affective communicator. but boy is it hard to swallow that and say, "here my little third grader, this is the hand you have been delt right now...we are going to figure this out and pray our way through it." ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

well, it gets better! we go up to the school later last night for the actual meet the teacher night. we get their supplies and head off to meet alaina's teacher. as we are walking up to the room, the grapefruit size lump reaches my throat. my second baby is going to start kindergarten....boo hoo! so, we go in, look around (mind you, alaina has a very firm grip on my hand telling me how nervous she is....awesome!) after spending a little while in there i think she felt a little more comfortable so we decided it was okay to go find kylee's classroom. we head over to the third grade pod....we look, and look, and look and can't find kylee's class. hmmmmmmm, where is it? alan finally finds it down the hall next to the fifth grade pod (not even in a pod, in a classroom off of the hallway). okay. so we go in and meet her teacher (very sweet) and find her desk. we put her things away and look around a minute. the teacher happens to mention that she hears (she is new to the school) that this classroom they are in can either be hot or cold. okay. i stop and talk to the teacher for a minute. she notices that kylee has dairy/gluten allergies, so she tells me that they put the other girls with those allergies in her class as well. okay. we leave, i get out into the hall and i want to cry. why you may ask? it may sound ridiculous to some, but what the heck. were they the left over kids and they didn't know what to do with them. they isolated them from the other third grade classes (and next to fifth graders....nothing wrong with fifth graders, but not necessarily an appropriate place to put third graders), when there is a fourth grade class in the third grade pod???? i don't understand. it also concerns me that they are secluding kids with certain allergies. i understand that it would be easier on the teachers, but we the parents are responsible for our children's allergies....and we teach our kids to be responsible as well. so why can't they be with everyone else.

at the end of last year during conferences, i was excited to hear that they were asked, if they could have anyone on there class with them next year, who would it be? we were told that they were really going to work hard to pair kids together to make things a little more comfortable, and an easier transition. i guess what i should say is that i feel that kylee keeps getting overlooked. what i mean by this is that because she is a "good" kid and pretty easy going (at school) she gets passed over. just like she was her first grade year when we had all that crap going on with all the girls in class being mean and cliquish. she never spoke up, yet she got dragged down...she was overlooked. oh, i don't even know what else to say. i feel that there is so much more....i am so frustrated. she had such a good year last year, she made some really nice friends....i don't want her to endure another year like first grade (yet, in a completely different way). it hurts her and it hurts our family because guess who she takes it all out on....us. not that i wouldn't gladly take it, but it's not fair that she would even have to internalize stuff.

i know i am jumping the gun in saying a lot of this.....i think i just need a place to vent. this year could be a terrific year....that, i am praying for!! God does not give us what we cannot handle. and He has a plan for kylee, plans for her to prosper, not harm her....plans to give her hope and a future. i love that..........

PAUSE.......

i just got off of the phone with the principal (i forgot to mention in the midst of my venting, that i did email her regarding the room situation....not with the intention of having her moved)....we talked and she offered to have kylee moved to another class. God just opened another door! yeah God!!! wow, thank you so much! i feel the weight being lifted. thank you mrs. hite for listening and understanding, it means more than you know. i think i am done now ;-)

PS. the allergy grouping was a complete coincidence.

okay, i know i said it was hot, but man....108 degrees...WOW! something i have always wanted to try was to fry an egg on the ground when it was hot. well, it's HOT, so i thought i would give it a go. obviously, it didn't work, but i took a picture anyway...it looked kinda cool! i should have tried it in the street, but didn't want to further embarrass myself. needless to say, we stayed inside today. had our daily "let's let mya sleep as long as she can movie afternoon." i really hate that we have watched so much tv, but with it being so hot...and finally figuring out that if it is super quiet in the house mya will take a decent nap...what does a mom do? todays movie was "guys and dolls." the girls love musicals, and so do i! this past winter when it was so cold and blizzard like outside "bye, bye birdie" was playing. i am looking forward to the tv being non existent here soon when the girls go back to school.

i must say that staying inside has helped me to be productive in areas i have wanted to since we have moved into our house. i have organized all their craft stuff, organized junk drawers, cleared out the "throw everything in there" guest room. it feels good. next on the agenda is our bathroom....we have so many cabinets and stuff just thrown in willy nilly (it drives me crazy that it is not organized). we'll just see if that gets done in the next...i still want to paint our bathroom off of the kitchen. so much to do.

HOT

it is SO hot!!!!! i have tried to hold my tongue and not complain, but seriously!!!! i am done! i am tired of staying inside. the pool isn't even fun...it's a warm hot tub...YUCK! okay, i am done......

school is about to begin. next week we are in full transition mode....early to bed and early to rise. we will just see how that goes. kylee is ready to go back (for the most part)...lainey on the other hand won't even talk about it. that makes me a little nervous. she is not one to really like school, she would rather be home with me. luckily she has a big sis to walk her to her class and give her a hug before she goes in (per daddy's request). i am still in shock that kylee is going to be in the third grade and lainey in kindergarten. it goes so darn fast. i have been watching alaina the last few days and have noticed a few changes in her over the summer. the way she talks, so much more mature....and her little baby body is no more, she is longer and leaner....and very tan! something she said the other day made my heart smile (something she has said before....and i will never try and correct this), she was laying against my chest she told me that she could hear my heart "beeping." AWESOME...love it.

speaking of funny things...we were all lying around, alan was channel surfing...stopping at "the three amigos" when kylee excitedly pops up and says, "it's the four francesco's!" i about lost it...the four francesco's....where did that come from? i am not sure, but i am sure it was funny.

okay, side note....as i am sitting here writing this alan pointed out that my left foot twitches when i am on the computer (he said all of my toes are always moving...great!) now i am trying to type without consciously doing it....and i can't think straight.....i am laughing. i may not be able to finish this post. yes, i know that i am WEIRD!!

anyway, my tail is still following me every where, kylee has just hit her reading goal of 1500 minutes this summer, and lainey...she makes my heart "beep."

i know there was more i wanted to write, but i lost my train of thought with my foot twitch. good night!