humble

the other night as i crawled into bed with a heavy, yet hopeful heart. i turned on my kindle and opened up to the first chapter in ephesians. i was going to just read it, but as i started, i could feel the power of the words...so i prayed it. i prayed through the whole chapter. wow! His words are so powerful, so personal and so endearing....why am i so amazed? it washed over me and soothed my heart. why don't i read His word every moment of every day? i need it...i want it...i love it, i truly do! i know how much he loves me, yet i can't comprehend it...does that make sense? it just blows me away that He has blessed me with EVERY spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm, He chose me...to be holy and without fault (in His eyes of course), He purchased my freedom, my sins are forgiven, He has given me an eternal glorious inheritance. i just hate it, that all of this and more is not on the forefront of my mind from the moment i awake in the morning, til my head is resting on my pillow at night. arghhhhh! i am so excited to read and study this book with three very special women. what else can i say....... .

zoo with my babe

i wish it didn't take me so long to write this post.....but a week later is better than never. last tuesday was a gorgeous "fall" day. the sun was shining the, a cool breeze blowing....and just me and my babe at the zoo.....before the gates even opened. alan just happened to suggest that i take mya to the zoo after dropping the girls off at school. i pondered it for a minute, then said ABSOLUTELY! man am i glad i did. tuesday reminded me of a morning six and half years ago...the days were almost identical....beautiful fall day we took kylee to the zoo for the first time (she was 18 months old). it seemed as if we were the only ones there (out in africa that is)....well, we pretty much were. this day proved to be the same. it was just mya, i and all the animals. it was great! she was loving it. she could have stayed and watched the lions all day long! i was so disappointed that we couldn't stay longer. it was definitely a short visit to the zoo (i had to go and pick up alaina from school, which meant we only had an hour and a half to roam around), but well worth it. i can't wait to go back...maybe next time we can stay a little longer.

i am learning that our sweet little one just needs a bit of fresh air to be content through the day. if we get our morning walk in she is a much happier kid. this does concern me...what the heck am i going to do this winter? she is going to be a BEAR...oh my!

*sigh*

Completely 100% accurate!!!!!!!!!


poor thing did have roseola for the second time in three months....it was BAD!



the sky is blue, the air is cool...there is a soft gentle breeze blowing through the house....i should be out there enjoying it, taking part in this glorious day. but instead i am sitting here writing, taking in all the silence i can before it comes to a complete halt! it seems as though our house has been turned upside down as of late and i feel the need to vent and pull out a little hair. the days seem to start fairly well (especially the days when i can get a walk in after dropping the girls off at school), but seem to spiral out of control at 3:50. i haven't written these past few weeks because honestly, i haven't had anything nice to say. this may sound harsh, but it's true. but now i feel the need to share this so one day i (and the girls) can look back on this and laugh....because i am definitely not laughing now.

in our house "pit" time starts the moment kylee gets home from school. the homework starts, then the attitude, then the eye rolling, then the frustration, then mya starts crying (and won't stop unless i hold her...but that is really hard to do while helping with homework and getting dinner started), then kylee starts crying...it goes on and on until dinner. then we are okay for a short time, that is unless mya is in one of her moods (which is typically every day)...then there is more whining and crying, then it's bath time with more whining and crying at some point...then mya goes to bed and it is a lot quieter....then the girls go to bed and it is even quieter. then i want to fall on the couch, but occasionally i will get a second wind, but by then i am completely unmotivated. There.....blah.

in regards to homework last week i wanted to try something different because i couldn't handle another argument. the deal was...kylee would come home, read for twenty minutes (unwind) then play until dinner. as soon as dinner was over we would start her homework. it seemed to go well the first night, but the next day she didn't want to do it that way. she wanted to get it over with. i completely understood where she was coming from, but the way it was going it was taking us so long that she couldn't possibly get it over with....it would just drag on forever! thankfully this week we get a little break because it is a short week and they are doing MAP testing the three days they are there. however i am sure there won't be a break from mya's fussiness. i love that sweet girl, love her dearly...and love the fact that she really loves and wants her momma, but there comes a time when they need to be able to be somewhat content with themselves. of course i don't mean leaving her alone, but being able to sit on the floor and play with her toys while i am in the kitchen cooking (which is only 12 feet away...and in open space) shouldn't be too much to ask. she would rather crab my legs and bury her face and cry until i pick her up. i think one of our biggest barriers right now is that she is not talking...not even trying to. she seems to have forgotten the sign language she once knew. needless to say we are not communicating very well and it is proving to be a struggle. she is super strong willed which isn't helping....it may help her down the road, but not really working with momma right now....or daddy for that matter. heck...not even with her sisters. she can actually be downright mean to them.

where is alaina in all of this.....well, quietly playing. i feel bad for her because the majority of my focus is on the other two. she really is the cream filling in the oreo...she helps hold the cookies together. lou, one day you will read this....i want you to know that you are not at all forgotten about, we love you very much!

i love all my girls. i have said it a hundred times...i just hate this tension....the fights, the struggle. we NEED a little peace in this house...even if only for a day. i need to be patient...slow to anger....and slow to speak....quick to love...and definitely more prayerful (and if i still need to, i can go in the bathroom and bang my head against a wall). ;-) that's all!