WTH?

i am so overwhelmed by emotions right now and i think this morning they got the better of me. when you think of starting a family, you don't necessarily think about how hard it is to raise children...not bad, just HARD! as we are going back to "baby days" we are continuing to enter adolescents as well. while both are challenging in themselves they are so confusing to parents....i guess i shouldn't speak for anyone other than myself. i am having a hard time! miss mya was doing so well, sleeping through the night, starting to take naps....over all happy. then about two weeks ago now she started waking up again in the middle of the night (it has not helped that she CANNOT get her thumb in her mouth...she wants it, but just can't quite release it from her death grip) and the past three or four days she is so over tired that she won't take naps, starts screaming out of no where and is still waking up in the night. everyday i rat my brain trying to figure out what the heck it can be and then i start comparing her to her sisters....and i don't remember them doing this (but i must say that my brain does not work as at remembering things these days). i have come to the conclusion that she is just way over tired. but what do i do about this? even when i try to rock her she screams forever. do i let her cry it out already, she is almost three months, but still not there??? i may be stressed over nothing, but in the midst of it...and other things it IS stressful, especially because i am probably just as tired as she is!

on to the next thing...my poor bug! i shouldn't say "poor" because i know that she will get through this stage...it's just hard to watch (and i know it's just going to get harder). my heart is just aching for her. it is so hard going to a new school and after last year, even harder. i really feel that last year tore down a bit of her confidence. recently we met our neighbors kids (which are both seven) and kylee has played with them just one or two times....but is already afraid to go over and ask to play because the last time she was there, when one of the kiddos had to go inside she asked to play with the other one and he said he didn't want to if the other girl couldn't. that right there just shot a hole in her heart. she is a clayton through and through when it comes to her sensitive side. because when she told me it shot a hole in my heart too. as parents, you, just like they do want everyone to like them....you think, "who wouldn't want to play with my kid, they're great!" but the fact of the matter is, not every one likes one another, not everyone gets along....but when you are "that" person, it hurts just the same. we tried to encourage her, telling her that they have known each other longer and it takes time and effort getting to know someone. we also told her that she has to think about others and what they would like to play, because there is a slight tendency to have a one track mind and to only want to play what she wants to play (i have NO idea who she would get this from). so all i can do is pray and ask God for an abundance of wisdom for alan and i as parents and for her as a young girl and friend.

phew, that feels better! oh, did i mention that as i was writing this i let miss mya cry herself back to sleep and it worked!!! thank you Jesus!

i love my husband, i love my girls and i wouldn't change my life for anything....tis a season and with the Lord on my side we will ALL get through it...for the better!

sweet baby

oh sweet baby mya! i had to post a little something about you since i have almost completely neglected your baby book (i am hoping this blog will help me fill in the blanks). i just have to say that i am so happy you are here with us to make us five. you are indeed a blessing. after feeding you in the middle of the night (which is practically morning), i place you on my shoulder to burp you....you just lay your head on my should and sleep....your heavy breaths, your pouty lips...and sweet random smiles....so peaceful. some may say that newborn smiles are from "gas," but i disagree. i want to think that God is speaking to you and you can't help but smile. i just stare at you and thank Him for you.

in the morning when you wake, you are now full of smiles. your arms stretch up over your head and you look up at me and smile. what a wonderful feeling that is, to see your baby look up at you and grin from ear to ear. we have learned that you are not a fan of your bouncy seat...which your other sisters loved. you would rather be lying on a blanket on the floor. so each room is equipped with a blanket just for you. because your sisters never liked being on the floor i got rid of the baby entertainment mat...so guess what i had to buy the other day....an entertainment mat....and you LOVE it. you lie there and swing your arms around and coo....especially when you see yourself in the mirror.

you had your first bottle two days ago....we thought we would give you a little practice before i go back to work in a couple of weeks (not looking forward to that). you weren't a big fan of daddy giving it to you, so i finished....but we'll keep practicing with him. i am just hoping you will sleep at night like you do for me. you typically sleep anywhere from 8-10 hours at night...bless you sweet girl. well, i think i need to go to bed so i can say i had a little sleep before you decide you would like to eat again. i love you so much, you are a delight and a blessing little one!

PS. did i mention how fun you are to look at! i could stare at you for hours ;-)

grade 2

what a day! today was kylee's first day of second grade at prairie ridge elementary. i am sure that many people saw my post on facebook after dropping her off. i was miserable. she didn't want me to walk her in like ALL the other mom's and dad's. watching her walk off and walk up to the school just broke my heart. i think i was more nervous for her than she was. i couldn't help myself...i even emailed her teacher to check in on her. i didn't want to be "that" parent, but i remember starting a new school, in the second grade i might add. i remember feeling scared and anxious, but never expressing those feelings out loud. i didn't want her to have to experience the same thing...putting on a brave face. however, i think i under estimate my little bug. she is a super brave girl...and when she does have feelings of fear she typically is able to express it very well. i am so proud of her.

so, i get in the car line at school 25 min early ;-) so i can be one of the first ones to pick up....she gets in the car and says "it wasn't such a good day." heart sinks! i asked her what happened and she said that her stomach hurt all day. so we talk about it and i ask her about the kids in class, and what she did and she seemed to perk up a bit. i also told her how sad i was to drop her off by herself this morning, but how incredibly proud i was of her....how brave she was. i did add to that and told her that next year that i am going in with her. her response, "no mom, i can do it by myself." with that response i was reassured that i wasn't a horrible mom and that she made a decision that she was more than capable of making...not that i will give her that option next year ;-) we get home and her stomach is still hurting...i am thinking it is just nerves (especially after reading the response i got from her teacher via email....she said that she seemed a little sad throughout the morning and was complaining of her tummy hurting....so she went to the nurse and spoke with the school counselor before lunch, but after lunch wanted to go back to the nurse. they avoided sending her back to the nurse and made it through the rest of the day...she seemed a little happier), but i decided to go and feel her head and sure enough she had a fever! seriously, sick on her first day of school...at a brand new school....poor kid!! no back to school dinner for miss kylee, just a little motrin and early to bed. praying for a quick recovery from what ever is going on with her. what a way to start the year.

kylee, i am so sorry that today was such a difficult day, but it is only one day. changing schools is not an easy thing to do, but you are beautiful and smart and have a heart of gold. just keep trusting in Jesus and know that he is with you where ever you go. He loves you so much and will give you all the strength, peace and comfort you need. i think i needed to remind myself of that this morning. i love you honey. you are going to have a great year in the second grade!!!

i cannot believe that summer is coming to an end! kylee starts school next friday and is going to be in the second grade.....the second grade!!! after last year's not so good experience i am feeling a little anxious for her (not that she is showing any signs of feeling anxious....it's all me). please join me and praying for our sweet bug that this year will be a great year, that it will be filled with fun and friends...and lots of learning ;-)

this summer has been bitter sweet for the girls. it has been fun and exciting having a new little sister, but also a very big adjustment. we were just getting used to being able to go anywhere we wanted when we wanted....and they had a lot more of my attention. like i have said before, i know this is a season and it will pass and hopefully the girls won't hold it against me until i die. but i also don't want to rush this season because it is also so tender and sweet (especially on mya's and i's end). you may be able to tell that i am really struggling with this. everyone is so used to the way it was...mommy/wife did certain things a certain way, had more time and energy (some days) and now things are different. this week my brain has been spinning....so many things to do and not enough time in a day or hour to do them. i am not complaining, i knew it would be this way and wouldn't want it to be any other way, mya is worth all of it....it's just challenging and i need to vent. my sweet girls really have been amazingly patient...just not in stores...ha!

the picture of kylee above was just a little time we had together while everyone else was napping. she is so stinking photogenic and cute! she is growing up so fast. she has changed so much in the last two years. such a beautiful girl with such a compassionate heart...truely! but seriously, what seven year old wants to have their picture taken?? our kids actually like it. next it's alaina's turn! they even want me to take more of mya...like i haven't take enough already.

oh, and miss alaina with her accessories....getting ready to go to schlitterbahn with papa and ohie. a green plastic necklace as a belt...nice touch! two funny little stories that i don't know if i will be able to explain in writing...you really have to hear it, but i will try. the trip to schlitterbahn today was a surprise (for the last couple of weeks they have been talking about wanting to go...and alan kept teasing her that because she was so short that she couldn't go down the slides because she was too short....that she would have to swim in the baby pool with all the snotty nose kids), so when they found out where they were going alaina stands there, shoulders drop, head drops and the eyes roll back as she says "great, i have to swim with the snotty nose kids." poor thing actually believed it. her reaction was so priceless! the other thing happened several days ago. all three of us girls had our hair cut the other day, but because lainey's hair get so tangly she had to have it washed. i think she thought she was pretty special because she got a little extra treatment. lets just say that she really enjoyed being primped and pampered. so, the next day we were at papa and ohie's and they had just gotten out of the shower when lainey goes over to the vanity and sits down on the stool...pulls up the mirror and starts combing her hair....and as she does this she looks up at me through the mirror and says matter of fact, "tom really did a nice job cutting my hair." i just about lost it! what are we going to do?

last, but not least, sweet little mya...she's is just great! we are starting to get into a pretty regular routine (for now anyway). she eats, she plays (smiles), she sleeps...couldn't ask for anything more...especially for the amount of sleep she is getting at night....she is a rock star (do i need to knock on wood?) i just love her, love her, love her......all my girls! i am so blessed. did i happen to mention that i have a wonderful husband too! he is the greatest husband/daddy i could ever ask for....he's pretty good lookin' too;-) love you babe, i don't tell you that enough!