Monday, November 19, 2012

mom foul!

i had a post all ready to go...well, not quite (i have actually been working on it for the last few days, just never could get it wrapped up).  but after tonight i thought i would start with something a little more "in the moment."

i want to preface this post with so much "stuff" that has happened in our world since my last...forever ago post, but there is just too much for my little brain to wrap around and my fingers to type out.  needless to say we are busy and it is monday.  i don't think i have had a chance to mention that fact that i despise monday' fact, as a family we all do.  mondays are non stop, go, go, go all day long until it is time to go to bed.  oh, and have i mentioned that it is still "fall" which means i am extra busy ;-)  i am not saying this to complain, really i am not!  just stating the facts.  anyway, it's off to school, mom/parenting seminar, house being painted, photo cards to make, photos to edit, lunch to make, phone calls to make, etc.......pick up one kiddo (one is carpooling to gymnastics), drop off at tutoring, run to the store (quickly), go to pick up kiddo from gymnastics.........running late!

so i run in to get alaina, go to grab her things and see this big bag filled with stuff.  i proceed to ask what it all is.  she looks up at me and says, "you didn't come to my thanksgiving feast"!!!!!!!!!! uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......................

heart sinks, dead pan stare, tears fill the eyes....this is me!  i forgot all about her first grade thanksgiving feast.  this first grade thanksgiving production is a big deal!  for them this was there BIG production for the year (like Kylee has had in the past) and i missed it!  i couldn't believe it.  we barely get out the door of the gym and i lost it!  i cried so much i think i made the poor kid feel worse!  i couldn't stop. i cried the whole way home, when we got home and then some more.  honestly i want to cry now as i write this.  it just makes me so sad.  now i know that she wasn't the only one whose parents weren't there, but me being so stinking visual....i can just see her in my head now.  i can see the sad face, her quietness, sharing her meal with someone else's family....ugh!  i know i would have been devastated.  but, and there is a big BUT, something that i will take away from this experience...several things actually, but the big one was her grace!  when we got home and i was STILL crying i held on to her and apologized again....she started crying telling me that she forgave me. she so freely and easily forgave me.  the whole thing just gave me a visual picture (and it helped that i was literally on my knees holding on to her....wanting to be more on her level) of how God is with us.  we come to him, genuinely sorry, crying to Him.  He wraps His arms around us, cries with us and tells us He forgives us.....then, just as Lainey did, shows us what we missed!  that's right, miss alaina put on her own little performance of what they did today because she didn't want me to miss it!  thank you lainey for your beautiful performance....even with little sis in tow!  your voice was lovely, but your heart is what shined.  thank you for sweet spirit and for forgiving me when i mess up!  love it when we can learn from our kids.

but now it is time for bed...i cried too much and i am really tired now!!  hope to post more frequently....really i do! ;-)